Three More Reasons Why Banana Slugs are COOL
This is Part II in the Banana Slug chronicles, after Part I.
Reason Number 1
Hedgehogs are so yesterday. For those who are hard to buy gifts for, presenting banana slug designer chocolate!! Mmmmmm... Bet you just can't stop at one...
Reason Number 2
Banana slug felt stuffies! Yes, this is real, and part of the latest underground felt stuffy craze. Click on the image to go the Fishcakes Store where you can see this and other neat items (and in time for Christmas too). Yes, this is the "must have" item of the day, and I know you are going to want one, but be forewarned that they might be sold out...
Reason Number 3 (For mature audiences only)
Banana slugs can live up to 7 years and grow up to 10 inches long!
"Ok...that's kind of cool," you say. "But so what?"
Well, what’s even more remarkable is with regards to their phalluses—after which a certain subspecies has taken its scientific name, Ariolimax dolichophallus, which means "giant phallus".
Do I have your attention now? Why would a creature be named after their male sex organ? Well...drum roll please...these creatures have boy parts that can grow to be almost as long as their bodies!
"GASP....What?!"
Yes! As loooong as their bodies!
And, considering that banana slugs grow to be 7-10" long, well... ahem... guys, although you are much larger in total size, the slugs kind of have you there not only proportionally but in acutal measures! There is no denying it. The facts are facts.
Before any of you alpha males that may be reading start to get jealous, however, there is still something for you to be smug about and the slugs to be in fear of...
"GASP....What?!"
Yes! As loooong as their bodies!
And, considering that banana slugs grow to be 7-10" long, well... ahem... guys, although you are much larger in total size, the slugs kind of have you there not only proportionally but in acutal measures! There is no denying it. The facts are facts.
Before any of you alpha males that may be reading start to get jealous, however, there is still something for you to be smug about and the slugs to be in fear of...
While their penile length IS a remarkable macho feat for a “primitive” creature, these critters are prone to a malady called gigantism (which is actually studied by some biologists...yes, look it up!). Gigantism is about the downside of, well, slugs having gigantic wee wees.
What's the problem? Well, when these hermaphroditic creatures copulate they circle each other for a loooong time. While this may seem like an erotic dance, it also has a very practical application. If a slug overestimates its potential mate's size, it may later regret it immensely. Being hermaphroditic, both slugs have penises AND orifices, and they insert their penises into the other's orifice during copulation.
Well, if a slug miscalculates its mate's size its penis can become stuck in the other slug's orifice! This may seem tantric but it can soon turn gory. What happens when a slug becomes thusly stuck? Well, its mate will then proceed to slowly and systematically chew off its phallus in order to disengage. OUCH!! That's good grounds for the follow up horror movie to Snakes on a Plane if you ask me...
Slugs in the Dirt!
Slugs in the Dirt!
(Although the horror would have to be more slug paced, kind of like Snakes on a Plane meets Lost in Translation.)
Yet, again attesting to their evolved superiority in many ways, once a slug has its phallus chomped off in this manner, all is certainly not lost. If it can get over the initial shock and fluid loss, our bobbitted friend could simply shimmy off and carry on its previously placid life.... as a girl. No operations necessary and no questions asked.
This only goes to prove that, just like time in Einstein's theory of relativity, evolution is a relative phenomenon.
QED
posted by isabella mari at 3:23 p.m. 
7 Comments:
Maybe the film would be Snakes on a Plane + Lost in Translation + Transamerica.
Ok, I thought you were pulling my leg about the length thing, and I checked it out and it's true..OMG!! lol
However, I resent that you put up the stuffy thing cuz now I do want one and they ARE sold out!
I will never look at banana slugs so innocently again...
As far as the stuffies go, I think I'm more into getting the slug chocolates for my wife who is an avid naturalist and hard to buy for, so thanks! Who would think there were slug chocolates out there??? Only in California. ;)
Gary
Very funny baldman. I had to look up the movie, and for the rest of you who are clueless here is a link to Transamerica.
By the way, I contacted the stuffy and chocolate people to let them know of my attention to their wares, so maybe there will be more in stock!
Howdy from Mackenzies Chocolates. Thanks for your mention and we appreciate it. Our stats show a bump in traffic on the 23rd, but alas, no orders, we DO have plenty in stock. Perhaps it was the context of your post, not the most appetizing. If your visitors can get past the banana slug's attributes, they'll love the taste of the yellow critters, all quality, hand-made chocolate. Thanks again for the mention.
It is still a pleasure to follow on the path of the banana slug and their slimy trail of surprising and peculiar wisdom. And the slimy trail of their surprising and peculiar love life.
Thank you for this, Isabella. I add myself to the chorus of disappointed readers who suddenly had their hearts thumping for fluffy slugs.
David
Thanks for the comments McKenzie chocolates, I'm sure they are absolutely delicious. :)
As far as the fluffy slug drought goes, perhaps I'll have to go into the business of making them myself! I am proud to say that I have manufactured two little felt monster creatures with and for my daughters, I'm halfway to making them already... Probably more lucrative than blogging! ;)
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